a little push in the right direction*

I once attended a random "spirituality" meeting, which was really just a way of recruiting people to a Christian church. I guess it's not all that much of a scam, considering Christianity can often be spiritual, but I guess I was expecting much more of an open-ended route to spirituality. In any case, there was one thing that has always stood out to me from that one night. A little worksheet showing that no matter which way you are moving in life, as long as you are pointed in the "right direction" you are moving closer to god. You can be far away, close, looking sideways, but your story is moving slightly closer to something. I probably didn't explain that very well, but no one else really has to get it.

In any case, I think today made me feel like I'm going in the right direction. I'm not sure what it is/was... maybe the workout and healthy eating and meditating, that didn't really help with sleeping, but did help me wake up to a sunrise- a bit surprising! The most surprising of all is that I haven't gone back to sleep again. I'm hoping this energy lasts until a reasonable hour, upon which I can get more than the 2 hours of sleep I got last night. A kick-butt workout really lifted my spirits today. It's amazing how a day like the others, with absolutely no energy and no desire to function in the world, could lead to a day like today.
Granted I might have pulled a muscle in my neck, but I gotta take what I can get!

In other news, there is no news about jobs at this point. I know, I know, I'm also highly disappointed. I literally have no money and am falling deeper and deeper into debt. It's a weird feeling of helplessness that I hope moves on soon!! I'm literally going to start waitressing soon if this keeps up! Life without money is no joke. Thank God for credit. and then again... it's a curse.

Did I mention my disgusting chocolate cake failure. Not my fault at all, I followed that recipe to the letter!! It's kind of annoying, because I think the idea of baking is fun... and God knows I love the end results (usually!!), which makes it ultra frustrating that many of my cooking ventures don't turn out as wonderful as the picture on the website. I think I might just throw caution to the wind and make an unhealthy version of something... then again, why waste such a good workout?! ;)

I need a massage.

P.S. Some pics from the Lucero 5K Run this week in Boston (MSPP)!!
Awesome short weekend with friends-- love it!!!! <3
What a mish-mashed blog post (guess that's what happens when one doesn't update enough)!

it's a small world after all

So I did have a late night last night (5am) which might explain sleeping til 2...
In any case, I watched The Town last night, with my love (and some other annoying drunk guy that apparently thought it was ok to yell things out during the movie). I thought the movie was really good, and it made me miss Quincy/Boston...
It also reminded me how much I miss the work I did at BATC, because I felt connected to the two. While Ben didn't exactly convince me as a recovering addict turned bank robber, it was a little realistic picture of people we can easily forget about. Makes me realize what the work meant to me, and reminds me to pray.

I'm heading up to the C-kill now, metro north yeah, and I'm very excited to see my BH! While its nice to be separated from my hometown, I always go back, and don't think that will ever change as long as my family and friends live in the area. As much as I've grown away from that town over the years, there will always be the ties that bind my heart to there. And like they say, home is where the heart is. I still say "I'm going home this wkend," although it is starting to feel strange saying that. Maybe when stronger roots are planted elsewhere I won't phrase it that way... but somehow I doubt it.

vampires and runways, o my!

I often fluctuate between two ways of existing in the world. One is the yuckie, self-hater that makes me feel gross and bum-like. The other is seeking and reaching for the positivity in the world, for no reason other than to feel good. For some unknown reason, I have a very difficult time getting out of little Ms. Meanie... it's a bummer and drags me to sit in my pj's all day, which was a repeat of the previous day.

Forcing myself to shower at 8ish at night shouldn't involve the world force to begin with. On the other hand, I've dressed myself up to go out, or at least to see the midnight showing of a movie I've been waiting for. We'll see how it goes. In any case, no one should eat spaghetti o's.

a studio can be a home

I have to admit it: I live in NYC and I am bored.
I am mostly bored because I am poor and lazy, but still- the fact remains. I might also be boring, as I've been told only boring people get bored. And again- the fact remains.
As with far too many days since I moved in a couple weeks ago, I have yet to leave my apartment. The worst part might be that it is a studio and that I live 100 yds from a park or two... I have nothing more to say about that. I am who I am.

I have, on a positive note, been working daily on my yoga for the past two wks= proud of myself. I have yet to force myself to join a group of others, as I am quit a beginner.

Fun activity of the day: I tried out my new juicer today. I put in lemons (way too many), as my first thought was lemonade. Then strawberries, for what else, strawberry lemonade. Well there were way too many lemons, as I said, and it is just really difficult to override that flavor. Two apples and four packets of splenda couldn't do it at least. I was hoping it would be ok, and as google has told me, lemons are really good for you- so that's a plus!


There's no real point of this blog anymore, but I was inspired by bidaboo (thank you!)
Now on with my day!